While spending your hard-earned political capital to legitimately fulfill the reference request is certainly your prerogative, taking a page from the hostage negotiation playbook might be your best bet!
First, don’t say no. Respond with a compliant, empathetic attitude and acknowledge the root cause of the objection. This is often referred to as a softening statement. For example, you might say “Happy to discuss a reference. I certainly want to make sure you feel comfortable with our solution and the approach we’ve proposed to help you be successful with it.”
Next, raise a logical position to help frame the compliance to the request, similar to “How am I supposed to do that?”. For example, “The good news is we have many happy customers and I want to ensure I connect you with the right one. Can you give me a sense of what specifically you’d be looking to learn from speaking to this reference?”
This sequence often causes the customer’s emotional ukraine telegram data framework (System 1) to reevaluate the validity of the reference request (System 2), and become more mindful of the fact that their request was rooted in fear rather than logic, making it disappear. Why?
You complied. You said you were happy to discuss a reference. By not offering resistance you help de-escalate the situation
You radiated positivity. When you make people feel happy they become less encumbered and can make quicker, more clear-headed decisions
You focused the ask. You essentially took a flashlight and shone it into the dark corners of their fear, exposing all but the root concern (if one indeed existed).
Want to keep pulling this thread? Ok, I’m game! A customer’s response to this type of dialogue typically falls into one of two buckets:
They need to think about it. For example, “Mmmmm….that’s a good question David. Can I circle back internally and get back to you on that?”. They rarely will. Again, not because they’re lazy but because there wasn’t anything there to begin with.
They come back with something. For example, “Hey thanks…I appreciate your willingness to help David. What I’d really like to learn more about is ABC”. Good news! Now you have a real question or objection you can handle in a variety of ways. Many more effective and beneficial for the customer than a reference.